I Do

Growing up, I fantasized
About the man, now in my eyes
He’d sweep me off my feet,
And together we’d live the rest of our lives
And I made a few wrong mistakes before I made the right one
Open up and letting you in when no one else would come
You’ve helped me become a better me
I’m happy, and the entire world can see
And when you call me your beautiful girl
I know there’s no one else I want out there in the world
Cause you’ve swept me off my feet and proved your love
Two lonely hearts together, and that’s enough
That’s all I need to know, is you’re willing for wait or fight
Hand and hand we stand together, walking towards the light
Standing in the spot light so everybody knows this is right
That you won’t give up, and neither will I
And we no longer have reasons to cry
9 reasons to give up but two to stay real strong
Two souls connect, an eclipse aligns, and its time for us to move on
Fight the world together because we know our love is true
And never ever give up, until we say our “I do’s”
Because I Do want to be your wife, I want to make you happy
I Do want to spend my life with you, no matter what hard balls are thrown at me
& I Do think our love is strong I know we can make it through
I Do want to make this work because I am in so in love with you
You’ll never be hungry again, you’ll never be alone
All you got to do is pick up the phone
Well make it through with our happy life
6 more years and ill be your wife
11 8

[53]

These words are exquisite there coming from the heart
They may not be the best but its my style and my art
My hearts breaking through my chest, it wants to have a voice
Its screaming words of love and happiness now i dont really gotta choice
You came into my life so fast, i pushed you and disgarded you
But here i am pulling you back, putting together every part of you
I knew you were something special the minute we started talking
I knew that you wanted me the minute you heard my problems and started walking
That one line you wrote with passion “Oddly enough i care for you”
It stuck in my head till this day, and now ill do what i gotta do
How will i explain this to the people who care for me the most
How will i let them know, that your the one i chose
& People may stop and stare and say this really aint right
But im willing so stand by you and put up with this fight
You showed me you were different, as you walked into my life
Laying there with you, i felt so alive
I told you my mistakes, and i layed in ur arms and cried
You turned to me and kissed me and muttered that you loved me
Then i knew right then and there, you’d put no one else above me
I wish this shit was easy, i wish we werent so far
In age in distance in everything but nothing will tear us apart
Nd When he makes that face, he knows which face it is
I know that hes the one in my heart, hes the one i miss
Nd babe did you ever notice when you think of me im thinking of you too
and sometimes you do the same things i do
When you kiss me your eyes are shut to tight
and i just wanna lay with you like we did that night
i wish i could see you everyday
Because i’d kiss that “Broken smile” away
& I’d look in those lonly eyes of sadness
We’ve waited so long to finally have this
& when I hold Your hand it fits perfectly in mine
you call me Your “beautiful girl” and i absoultly love that line
Your that guy for me I can feel it deep down
& The way you say my name, i jsut love that sound
& when you make that face, my insides melt
This is really something i’ve never felt
We will make this work cause i wanna be your girl
Take my hand and walk with me, ’cause its us against the world
11 8

chapters

Glance at his face from ear to ear
Embrace your pain and realize hes not here
Whos this about what am i writting to?
“Every single one of them. Cause they’ve all hurt you.”
Forget there faces and forget there names
Smash the review mirror and forget that pain.
These words im trying to say are gettin all mixed up and jumbled
When I told him how i felt, he just waved his hand and mumbled
I cant stand this feeling, ive been going through for days
I just hope its part of growing up, and another fase
Cause ive seen shit, and ive been through alot
Drinking, drugs, sex, and smoking pot
People fighting, people dieing, and seeing how long a love can last
But in the end weve all been through it just put it in your past
Fight the pain, youll be ok, we all do it everyday.
i cant see the point im gettin at, ive just have enough
Enough crying, enough lieing
Enough dieing, enough trying.
Paint myself on a wall cause thats what they all do
Trying to fit in, cause thats all im used to
Change the trend each day, according to my mood
Thought these years would be different, but its nothing new.
So write my name and say you love me, use up the whole page
Try to figure this whole thing out but dont forget to mention my age;
Ignore my signals and fuck with my head
I seemed to have alot of your attention when we were in bed;
Smile and be happy, & pretend like you used to
But in the end your a piece of shit, and i know the real you;
You told me you didnt want me right from the start
But why’d you have to go and break my fucking heart?;
All these guys are chapters, tho theres so much more than this
There just words on a piece of paper, that each day i kinda miss
Ill glance at my fone
but in the end i go 2 sleep alone
The ones i open my heart to and the ones i open my soul
I Tried to show them how it could be, but there hearts are just too cold
Never got a chance with them, to be who i want to be
and the next time someone wants to cry to me
& for the ones who have someone who loves you, dnt reject or hate it
Remeber ones like me, who cant find love, so appreciate it.
and says i dont know how they feel
ill just show them the list of men i’ve loved and how none of them were
Real
not once have i ever had a guy i loved treat me like a queen
buy me shit and love me, and not care if we get seen
never had a guy tell me how much they love me in everyway
teling the world im his girl without it lasting like a day
remembering stupid shit i do and stupid shit i say
making me laugh and smiling at me for no reason
Mayb its me or mayb its just the season
Whyyy cantt i findd love.. why cant you answer me?!?
& mayb i shud grow up and stop living a fantasy

Kiss the burn

She just finished writting the list of guys who broke her heart
Kinda scared to count the names as she slowly falls apart
Finished going over the number of ‘Best Friends’ who came and left
They never really did live up there title of being the “best”
Sorted through some old poems and photos left behind
Found the old cliche words she wrote but thats all she could really find
Theres not much left for her to cry over ’cause the mirrors already broke
So she sits alone staring at the names and this is what she wrote
“Fuck yous all for breaking my heart fuck you for pretending you cared,
I sat here and exploded my heart to you and you fucking just sat there
nd stared
So Get the Fuck out of my life as i forget that you all even existed
Should of never let myself get hurt that much, like they all insisted”
So here i am alone, with no one here to call
Wanna get ma anger out but i just cant bring myself to punch a wall
So many friends on speed dial but none can understand
‘Cause there all out there with happy faces, cause they all got a man
To the ones that dont realize what they got till its really gone
And the ones like me who are stuck in a fantasy and they cant move on
Your all dead to me, you all have a reason to be
The knot in her throat from tryna to stay strong,
makes her throw up the sorrows she Swallowed to move on
And this sadness is a sickness that her body cant face
Its immune to her system and she cant fight this race
Shes been down this road before and she knows how it will end
depressed and more alone minus a few friends
Cause everyone she loves leaves so now she just stops loving
Cause she gives and gives exprecting something back, and she just gets nothing
Realizing this well known pain she falls down to her knees, destroyed
Tears pouring out, her body knows this part well, shes reached her breaking point
Dont try to help her now, distance is what lead her here
Let her run away and deal with every tear
I gotta face the facts I guess this is the night of truth
What do you do when you lost all hope, theres nothing you can really do
The voice inside her head, screaming for her to come back
The other side yelling too, saying let them see what they could of had
Losing her grip with no one here to save her
Dont try to stop her, you all lost your chance to appricate her
You see it in her drawings, see it in her eyes
Read it in her poems, but dont you care when she fuckinghides
Fuck this teenage shit it passes but why the fuck does it gotta hurt
No one here who cares for her showing her what shes worth
No one to go through this with her, cause no one knows how it feels
Shes been through more shit than any one knows shit that was all real
Cry about the same old guy… try crying about 22
Still didnt count that list; i estimated, but i hope its nothing close too
And the only one that cares she can never truly have
Perfect in all those ways but something gunna go bad
He says what shes been wanting to hear and means it, he isnt saying it for fun
But she freaks and shuts down and begins to run
So ill end this shit with her head hung low, tears in her eyes she closes the door
Kisses the burn thats still left behind and falls to the floor

He aint YOUR superman

Look for something so meaningless even though i dont have to
I stubel across some letters that i never gave to you
The words upon these papers written so long ago
Makes me realize how much i should really let you go
Words that i still touch upon that i felt even back then
And i think i finally realize ill never be more than just a friend
Cause the days we spent together were so perfect and so pure
And so long ago, you dont even talk to me any more
I see you walking around and i just stop and stare
Because i want you to run up 2 me and hug me but you dont even care
Letter 1 letter 2 letter 3 and letter 4
I just want to burn them all and not feel this any more
These words are too cliche but this feelings still in my heart
Of the day we first kissed to the day we fell apart
And im not sure what went wrong i thought this was so perfect
Was it something that i did? Cause i thought you’d be worth it
Now i face each day alone, Lieing to myself
Fake a smile so you’ll notice me, but this is realli bad for my health
Lieing to my heart and saying you realli do care
Making up excuses and saying your just scared
Lonly is, the broken heart that crys out for attention
He who hurt this lonly girl, shell never learn her lesson
So Erase all the memories and the cute things he said
Erase his stupid tragities and the time you fell asleep in his bed
Forget the times he held you close like no one else mattered
Lose the way it felt when he kissed your head, those times are all shattered
Wake up each day and erase it all, one day you’ll just forget him
One day hell realize that your gone and i hope that, that will upset him
Cause if hes dumb enough 2 walk away, be smart enough to let him
You gave him more than enough time to show him your feelings are true
Now stand back and let it all go like he did to you
Forget this ever happend, get off the floor sad girl and stand
Cause he aint going to save you He aint YOUR superman
49

grow old with you

I cant promise i wont hurt you
I cant promise and i wont sware
Cant promise i wont desert you but i know ill always be there
Because the gap we have between us is to much for me 2 bare
So if i lose my way along this run i promise ill always care
I mean i do feel something for you but not as strong as i say
But ill smile and lay on your shoulder nd pretend i feel the same way
When i say im holding back, you dont get how much i am
Cause i know that this will never happen, i know it never can
And this pain inside im facing each hour of every day
Im never going to leave you but i just want you 2 stay
I want to fall in love, but i want to be free
But something inside tells me this is wrong and this is all ive been feeling lately
Cause something about the way you hold me just dont seem so right
I want to just sit back and enjoy it but reality comes into sight
Im living off your words, nd the way your always there
Cause your the first guy who actually wants me, the first one who rele cares
& i realize how much you like me, it may actually be love
But you dunno how much it hurts me, seeing my heart say “Thats enough”
Cause in the end ill ruin this and ull never wanna talk 2 me again
All i really wanted was to be jsut your friend
I mean the way you wanan be with me makes me want you too
I would prolly get married and grow old with you
but something about being so young makes me scared to think these thoughts
nd the age difference wud be so intense but it wudnt be the first time my family and i fought
& something about they way you call me “Beautiful” sends shivers up my spine
Im not sure if there good or bad but at least i know your mine
& something about the way we kiss, makes me wanna do it all the time
I know you’d never hurt me, you all ive been looking for and more
But something about the way you look at me makes me wanna close the door
I think im scared to be with you because im scared to lose you one day
Scared to grow up and commit, Scared in every way
Scared of the way your jelous of the guys in my life
Scared of the way you make us sound so right
Your all i wanted and more and your standing right here
All i need to do is reach out my arms and grab you with no fear
But im scared. I dont want 2 hurt you,But Im not ready for this mess
I want to love you but i dont think this time would be best.
58

find my cure

another one added to the list of those who hurt me
cross him off the list of those who dont deserve me
u say u didnt mean for it 2 go that far
so why did you let it, not im falling apart
i hide from those who try 2 help
run from those who dont know how it felt
fake a smile to get me through the day
and try to listen to every word that he’ll say
theres so many guys and so many emotions
confused and broken
they left me hear choking
one more added to the list of those who made me cry
screaming my lungs out thinking i did wrong asking “why?”
why out of all of them there couldn’t be at least one
one who helped me up and helped me forget all i’ve done
but i believe people come into your life to teach you a lesson
and it still hasnt been taught to me and now im feeling all this agression
and its all hitting me at once and i dont know how much i can take
i just want to wish yous all away and forget all my mistakes
the numbers keep building up where will they go next
to answer all my problems i need to give my heart a rest
but he doesnt understand that hes all i think about
and i definitly shouldnt be feeling this way but hes my last doubt
“breathe in the strength and focus on your chest”
cant seem to find my cure but im doing my best
trying to find the words but i feel so unsure
i just wish i could find a guy that for once also wants more
that is tired of these stupid games and wants 2 be in love
because i hate this high school drama i’ve really had enough
so i stand back up a little at a time from having another hard fall
i stare them in the face, there such a disgrace, and i turn my back on them all

you catch me when i’m falling

& it doesn’t matter, ’cause it can never be as I come to realize.
Sit alone talking to you with this disguise.
Pretend I’m happy while you make me smile,
I wish you could just come here and stay with me a while.
If you only knew the happiness you bring me,
And I dont get why you have doubts that “we” could be.
In a different world, we’d be perfect and worth it.
But a different world is alot to ask for, but we deserve it.
But you catch me when i’m falling and thats all i ever wanted,
Someone to care that, by my past, im haunted.
I wanna be there for you, the one you give your heart to
You pick me back up and make everything alright,
And I’m trying not to fall again but i’m blinded by the sight.
Just take me by the hand and try not to care.
The world is so judgemental, so what if that stare.
So what if they point and say this isnt right.
At least were not the ones sleeping alone tonight.
From the minute I wake to the minute I sleep,
Your all I think about, your in my dreams.
But my thoughts slow down as I step into reality,
Open up my eyes and see its just a fantasy.
The vision of “us” gets crushed.
‘Cause I know one day it would end
So here i am alone again
58

break down

Anger built up let out in one punch
She punches till her knuckles bleed nd she cant feel her fingers touch
Her nails scraped open her skin but she enjoys the sting
This pain is just to much she cant even sing
Blasts the music so no one can hear her scream
Inside the room shes making a big scene
Its all hitting her at once as she screams out “WHY!?”
She can’t understand what she ever did wrong as she begins 2 cry.
Tears pouring out down like rain in April
She didn’t know this much pain was capable
Bang as she punches away the pain he left inside
Bang as she punches away all his lies
Bang as she punches to not being perfect
Bang as she punches to not being worth it
Punches the away the respect people lack
This innocent heart feels so attacked
Shes only human and makes mistakes as well
But they rub in her mistakes as she trys to erase them but they dwell
Breaking down on the floor heart racing sweaty and red in the face
She looks in the mirror and sees disgrace
No body understands what she goes through each night
And laltly all she seems to be doing is picking fights
Shes just tired of having to hide what shes feeling
And watch her as her confidence hits the ceiling
Why Does everyone hurtt her? She Cnt figure it out
Why no one wants 2 know what shes all about
Rumors and lies is all shes based upon
Trying to ignore it all and stay stronge.
“I hate everything about you” is one of his requests
Who knew it would fit her at this time the best
A lover not a fighter, trained to fight for love
The song ends and shes felt she had enough
“Stay calm & breathe” repeated in her head
With tears in her eyes, the tantrum ends as she hits the bed.

Superman aint saving shit

So here it is, my grand finaly
More pain, down the drain, and one more tally
I’m breaking free, I’m letting go
You probably don’t care but I thought you should know
People are right, I base my world around you
But things need to changed I need someone new
Its the way its always going to be, Its like a game of next
I thought you’d be different but, hes right, your like all the rest
I gave you more than enough time to show me your best
And you acted you like me
UNTIL too
Than you just leave me
Like all the other boys do
This is one good I can feel it
Aren’t you happy your the one who made me reveal it
Searching this world in all the wrong places
Falling in love with all the wrong faces
There all just painted faces lieing this whole illusion
Finding out who is real gettin a real conclusion
They don’t give me the time of day to show them who I really am
They’re all just silly boys pretending to be men
I wanna break down and show you how I feel
I don’t think it matters because I don’t think its real
I gotta refrain myself
And train myself
To contain myself
And not strain myself
From all the stress
This is such a mess
This isnt how it was supposed to be
You were supposed to be with me
And everytime i talk to you I can hardly get the words out
And everytime you look at me I know that theres not any doubt
You care for her and she cares for you
So Go ahead do what you gotta do
There all right and im wrong
I always am but i hide it in song
Singing away my fears hiding from the pain
I really cant believe that you were just the same
I reached out to you in a cry of desperatiion
Following every word on our conversation
Tryin to reach the conclusion and destination
That this was real not an illusion
But it was in deed a cry for help
And obviously its not how you felt
I was just another girl you unintentionally used and hurt
But its ok because your just another guy who made me forget what im worth
49